no one on the corner had a headache like mine...

alas, after a long, arduous mental battle, i spent all of last night battling my feelings with logic:

logic: she doesn't want to be with me, it WILL NOT HAPPEN
feelings: the heart wants what the heart wants
logic: the heart wants for you to shut the FUCK up
feelings: you can deny all you want, you know what's true
logic: it's not true, i like ----, not her. that's true.
feelings: truth comes in many forms
logic: well i should be able to choose the form i like best, right?
feelings: what you like best and what is best are not always the same thing
logic: wtf...
feelings: the heart wants what the heart wants...

and i kind of went on like that all night. of course, this was all in my head...i tend not to voice my internal conflicts because it seems to convince people that i'm a bit crazy, go figure. so here i am, a heart divided between a dead end and a straightaway. all of the feelings i'd sent to the recycle bin have been restored to their original files and folders, only now they're a little cramped because now there are newer files where the deleted ones used to be. i'm in dire need of a zip folder. my head's gonna explode.

now that we've established that i like Her and ---- at the same time, it brings up an old question: what do i see in Her? my answer? i don't know. don't get me wrong, she's an awesome person: smart, pretty, funny, pretty, smart, pretty, funny, she's a lefty like me, smart, pretty, pretty, etc...but it seems to be something beyond that drawing me to her. it's like in the twilight series where a werewolf would imprint on a certain female when they made eye contact and just be dedicated to her from then on. i feel like the same thing's happened to me, only i'm not lying back and accepting it. i. don't. want. her....anymore.

*sigh*
i don't like this conflicted feeling...it hurts. i don't care if that may seem sappy or whatever. when i hurt, i hurt. no façade.

now you see that, with all of this baggage weighing my head down, no one on the corner could have possibly had a headache like mine...


out.