nut-punch.

yea so i mentioned earlier that i'm not exactly on speaking terms with my grandma (the one i live with, not the one-that-fired-me one. not talkin to her either though.). idk if i wrote earlier, but my mom was in the hospital for a few days the week before last and it shook me up pretty bad. like really bad (when you're one parent away from being an orphan, you get overprotective). it was stress, it turns out. well my grandma was mad cuz i was late for school, and she was talkin all this 'this-and-that' shit and then she comes outta nowhere talkin about "don't let your tardiness be the reason your mama goes back to the hospital" and i'm like. WHAT. THE. FUCK. like, don't even play like that. the fact that she pulled some low shit like that is just coldblooded. she knows how i was while she was in the hospital and to do some shit like that is wrong. my lit teacher did that once when i turned a project in late. she said "what do you think your dad would think if he were alive?" and i'm like "shut the fuck up, you don't even know the man". idk...some shit just strikes my nerves. but yea, little bullshit quips like that earn the silent treatment.

still love her to death though, don't get me wrong.

ugh, this post is mucho bad vibes.

gonna up another post afte this.

outty 2.5k.
yea, ridin at half-mast with this one.

"cuz we all just wanna be..."

yea so today was rockstar day as spirit week continues at the mill. yesterday was nerd day, but i forgot so it was whatever. today i really got into it though: ed hardys, faded black jeans, small black tee, dress shirt with the collar and sleeves torn off, wristbands, watch, bracelets, pieces of shirt, sunglasses, etc... it was pretty funny to look at. ---- dressed up for it too and DAMN, she looked madd sexy (understatement). that look definitely fits her. i forgot to take pics. lol, damn she looked good.


ok, before i repeat myself, moving on...

tomorrow's twin day. la-dee-da. never been a fan of coordinating outfits. i usually just go in all black and if someone asks who my twin is i just point to some random black-shirt wearing person. lol, i've done that every year since middle school. never fails. thursday's throwback day and, for the third year in a row, i'm breakin' out the wig. the big king kong afro wig to beat all afro wigs. idk what the rest of my attire will consist of, but it doesn't matter. the wig is where it's at.

oh yeah, grammy just walked in with dinner. awesome. i'm still not talking to her much and i'll address why after i cease consumption.

outty!!

californidexter.

season 3 of Dexter premiered tonight! i fuckin love that show, and the premier did not disappoint in the least. i'm already counting down 'til next sunday. i wonder if it's weird that one of my favorite shows ever is about a serial killer. lol, at least he only kills bad guys right?

also, californication's 2nd season premiered. i've never watched it before, but the season 2 premier was good enough to make me watch the first season OnDemand. it's like i did with entourage: saw a couple of episodes, watched the first 4 seasons OnDemand, and now i'm a die-hard. oooh, speaking of entourage, new episode tonight!! ooh, and TrueBlood. trueblood's interesting. i'd never paid attention to anna paquin outside of the x-men trilogy and her small role in almost famous, but she's pretty good in trueblood. plus i'm a bit of a vampire fan (odd, right?). blame it on twilight. the only thing i hate about that show is the fact that paquin's character's name is sookie (gross), and the black chick (rutina something-or-other) has the worst pseudo-southern accent ever. besides that, it's totally watchable.

but seriously, DEXTER OWNS YOUR WORLD. this first episode is setting the whole season up for some serious bueno. i'm gonna re-watch it after my entourage/trueblood block, which i'm gonna start....now.

outty!
6k (dig the upgrade)

pricetags.

oh yea, i'm a poet too.

In this self-interest based society,
Things appear to us,
The way we want them to be.
Media blinds,
We become desensitized,
Demoralized.
Hypnotized.
Nothing seems wrong
But nothing seems right.
Illusions hold us captive,
Decisions no longer exist
In our minds, at least.
The sign to the left
Points to the sign to the right.
To put up a fight
Is pointless when there's
No winner, no loser,
And nothing in between.

We're fallen victims,
Victimized by our own illusions,
The ones we create
To justify our state
Of being,
To make us happy.
But we are not.
The story's not yet done.
Solution number one:
Move along,
Like we always do.
But we know not
Where we're going to.
Just don't make a fool
Of me.
Goal number one:
Get happy.
So fuck, fuck,
And fuck some more.
Shit, the girl sitting next to me
At Sunday mass has a sexy ass.
Your thinking is so complex.
The kind of thinking
That will lead you to deceiving.
Don't worry, the finger points
In different directions.
There's no certainty in
Who's to blame.
So many differences,
But really, it's all the same.
Do what makes you happy,
If you remember what happy even means.
It seems as though I forgot...

You dream of becoming
Something,
But you're lost
When no one's there.
And no one's there
Most of the time for you,
Or so it seems.
Let's work at it,
But when we try,
There's always someone in our way.
It's you, my friend.
So get the hell out of my way.
But be here when I want you to be.

What matters to you
Is knowing that no one else
Besides yourself really matters.
But you keep living life
On either fast forward,
Or rewind.
Helplessly waiting,
Reminiscing,
Stagnant,
But solutions don't arrive
To you in time.
So work harder,
Think harder,
Fuck harder.
But it's harder to get farther
With this contradictory concoction
Of perversity and determination.

The convenience store sells a cock
In a dildo's disguise,
For your convenience.
Replacements are easy to find
Sensations overloading,
It'll last all night,
More than you'd ever last,
With these rechargeable batteries
That recharge in only an hour.
Taking you to a different level.
Recharging my false passion for you.

We arrive tonight
At a final thought.
Things will be like this,
Whether we like it or not.
We go where we want to go,
We are who we want to be.
Media targets us,
But right now I'm targeting you.
Because your skin cells
Are still on my skin,
The smell of your body spray
Still lingers
On my clothes.
If they invented a toy
That would do the things you do,
To mimic you for my reality,
I'd buy it right away.
For you to be with me -
Because your attention,
Your care, your love
Is never free.

either she's the one, or i'm caught in the matrix.

at this point, i'm thinkin i'm caught in the matrix.

lol, life these days...

"every time ya name was brought up, i would act all nonchalant in front of a audience..."

truth be told, she threw throws me for a loop.

irony.

yesterday was awesome, woke up at 7, realized i didn't have to go to school, went back to sleep, woke up at 11. got up, walked to fayetteville, bought some shades, some games (Enter The Matrix, The Matrix: Path of Neo), saw Get Smart, ate this bomb-ass chicken sandwhich, got some lemonade from chik-fil-a, played star wars: force unleashed, went to my aunt's house, played with my baby cousin, then went home. pretty comfortable day. i went job hunting too, but that was just as unsuccessful as it's ever been.

there's a downside though.

now i'm sick. i guess walking all day in that mild weather didn't really help me too much. i woke up feeling like someone filled my head with cement. i was clogged up, and my head was pounding. sucks majorly cuz i really needed to be at school today. not only did i miss another lunch with ----, but i was also supposed to stay after for test corrections and this club meeting. so now i've gotta wait until next week for test corrections, and however long it is until the next club meeting. bumfart. i already missed like, two of the meetings. now this is three.

damn, i think i missed a quiz too. gonna go read up for AP Bio and play some more Matrix, idk why i'm hooked all of a sudden. o well.

O=5g's+1

music.

i think i picked a good selection of songs for my playlist. it showcases my talent range sort of. let's break it down, shall we?

1. The Takeoff - the exhibition, the first track i want people to hear if they haven't hear me before.
2. Incredible - collaboration with the homie Dutch. track shows me trying on a new style, of sorts.
3. They Know - collaboration with the homie Young Boogie. track shows me on my superficial swag-type style.
4. Superstar - this one shows me on a lil superficial, but with some deeper metas and a story to follow. definitely some "hold on, what'd he say?"-type of lyrics.
5. For My Pops - me at my deepest. this song's got my heart. this is the song that i recorded more for myself than anything else. this is me getting my emotions out about my dad. definitely the hardest to record, you can hear me choking up a little. my throat was getting madd thick. i got it out though. didn't even break down. just got all misty-eyed.

so that's that.

also, i made a bunch of accounts on various music sites over the weekend and here are the links to each:

all of the sites listed below have a song or multiple songs from the playlist that's on this blog, except for the myspace, it's got a few different ones up there. of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't visit the links. i could use all the support i can get.

Myspace
http://www.myspace.com/kvnthetruth

imeem
http://www.imeem.com/kvnthetruth

AllHipHop *the forum that i started there, you can see my lil profile and stuff too.*
http://community.allhiphop.com/go/thread/view/12461/4933551/New_Kid_KvnTheTruth?sdb=1&pg=last#123882041

SoundClick
http://www.soundclick.com/kvnthetruth

ReverbNation
http://www.reverbnation.com/kvnthetruth

this. is. GAS HUNT!!!!

*warning, this is kinda novel-ish. you may just wanna skim for the entertaining bits. i don't really want you to do that, but if you must.*

today was cool.
i woke up, went back to sleep. woke up, checked myspace for this pic, but it didn't work. checked my myspace play count, checked my imeem play count, checked my AllHipHop play count, checked my soundclick play count, checked my ReverbNation play count, then i kinda just sighed. i know i just made all those accounts yesterday, but i'm anxious for views/listens. i want people to hear my music.

but uh, yea...

after that i looked at those pics i took friday (btw, i took pics on friday), i like 'em. the outfit i put together worked quite nicely. might wear that to school. i'd go so far as to call it kanye-ish, but he'd probably laugh if he read that. it was more of a cross between steph jones and mr. west than just mr. west himself. the hat thing i got from him.

hm, actually the outfit was more steph jones than anything else.
kanye and steph have similar styles though.
i was listening to Love LockDown the whole time i was taking pics. idk if it's relevant, but that's what i was vibin with. my favorites from the set are the one at the top of this page, and this one, where i'm gettin my mike jackson on

you'd laugh if i told you how many times i had to do this pose until i caught one i liked (30). i still have the pics too. there's always just a little thing wrong with each of them.

well that's all to do with that.

later in the day, after my mom y abuela got home, my cousins came over. like all the ones that live in this area minus chuck y clara. house full of black people. plus there were two of my cousin's friends there. added heat. genius. wasn't bad though, one of the girls was kinda cute and laughed at random shit i said. too bad i have no idea what her name is...or what she looks like, for that matter. i remember she was cute though. nice smile. she seemed interested. eh, oh well. keep it movin. her friend though...straight JANK feet. that's all i remember about that one. that fish and spaghetti was good today. i remember that too.

wow, if you're still reading now, you're a trooper.

so after the cousins and cousins left, me and my mom went to get gas...or so we thought.
we head to a kroger gas station: pitch black. that place looked deserted. next, we hit up the local RaceTrak. out of gas as well! at this point my mom's frustrated about finding gas while i'm sticking out of the sun roof screaming "This is GAS HUNT!!!" like a spartan on a potent speedball. funniest thing ever. we went to like 5 different stations before we found one with some gas left. when we pulled up to the pump, i put the nozzle in the tank and yelled "FEAST!!!" as i filled it. then i sang that song they played in that snickers commercial: greensleeves. "Alas, my love, you do me wrong, To cast me off discourteously..." and this was loud too. it's like 10:30 and i'm screamin greensleaves at the top of my lungs. i wish i had a video camera. in the middle of my singing, the pump does that auto-stop thing, and it cuts me off and i go: "the feast, it's ruined" and then i finish and get back in the car, dyin laughing. then i drove home.

and now, i'm here, playing my daily combo of Chopped & Screwed/Love LockDown, kinda halfway thinking about gas hunt and what i'm gonna wear tomorrow.

gues i'll go throw something together. i think i wanna wear my nike slip-ins. better look for some blue-jams.

outty.

so far.

i've noticed that there are a lot of people i don't talk to anymore. it's like, i'll see 'em in the hallway and maybe even catch an eye-to-eye, but still say nothin. they don't say anything either. it's just odd. i'm not even particularly disappointed or whatever, it's just an observation. i mean, sure it's kind of sad that people just fall out like that, but like the blacks here say: "shit be like that sometimes".

in other news:

i watched American Gangster on HBO today. then right after that i bumped American Gangster by Jay-Z. that's some more uber-wizard status right there. Gangster movie + Gangster album = uber-wizard-gangster^umpteenth. yea, i went there. lol, revenge of the nerds.

now i'm listenin to The AM Sessions on wvkr.org. it's up in new york so i gotta get it from the net. that's the station that plays my music, for the losers that don't keep up.

tomorrow's gonna be BUSY...hopefully.
got a lot of music business to attend to.
first i gotta see about that track with ms. porsh, she said it's done, she just gotta send it. next i gotta see about that track with Jr. Cash. he finished his part too, i just gotta listen and drop the rest of my verse where he set me up. after that i gotta record a few tracks: Green Light, Low Key, Swagga Like Us, and Come Along for the Ride, Brand New, AND my anthem. this shit's crazy. idk if i can get all those tracks done. i may have to split that work up. i still gotta write for some of 'em. this lil music business right here gets crazy. i keep sayin yes to projects!

lol, 'sall good tho. i love music.

hm, guess i'll go back to my writing.


outty 5000....and 1

dammit.

mrs. **** is a bitch. call's home to tell my mom that my grade dropped cuz i missed last week's work. ugh. now my psp and phone are gone until next week. by that point i will have completed the work and got my stupid grade back. idk why she called, i told her this morning i was gonna get it either today or tomorrow. she didn't threaten to call then. nooooo. well, at least that's all she took. i still have other means i can use to keep my music portable. and she didn't take the headphones (rookie mistake).

now, with that wicked tidbit out of the way.

another wicked tidbit.
----'s not gonna be here tomorrow. i'm mad at her, and i told her so. she's babysitting these homeschooled kids at some "awesome house" for the day. she'll be back monday, but still...that's friday gone. now i see how she feels when i miss our daily lunch rendezvous. hm, idk where i'm gonna sit. i've only sat with her these past 4.5 weeks. where do i sit now? quite the conundrum. maybe i can get into the library. hopefully. maybe the retards are finish retaking the test that they failed the first time around.

now, with that wicket tidbit out of the way.

oranges are amazing. i love them now. they're great when you're hungry and dehydrated at the same time and short on options.

viva naranjas!!!

cold pizza.

today was awesome. why? the temperature. it was cool this morning. i expected that. what i didn't expect as i walked out of the door to the trailers for fourth period was more coolness. a smile began to form at the corners of my mouth, but i suppressed it. no. i thought. it's just the vents at the door. but no, as i passed the vents, the coolness stayed. such a wonderful contrast to the less-than-admirable warmth of summer. the cold is coming, and i'm ecstatic. it's odd that i like cold weather so much. yes, i was born in december, but when you're born in california, december's nothing more than a mere month. it doesn't get cold in los angeles, just "not as hot as it was earlier". i'm an odd person. i get a kick out of rainclouds and low temperatures. i like the sun and warm weather too, just nowhere near as much as i adore the opposite.

it was awesome when i got home too. leftover pizza. wizard. then? the bed. with the ridonkulously comfortable sheets. and my music. that's not wizard. that's ultra-wizard.

now i'm on the pc, listening to this new t-pain/ludacris magic, better known as "Chopped & Screwed" and thinking about how i'd WRECK this if and when i got the instrumental. it'd be some Incredible-ish style verse. chopped and screwed accordingly =).

o! the wizard-ness continues!
just checked the Fall Out Boy website, totally peeped the new cover:























full. metal. DOPENESS.
tryna get this on the day it comes out. maybe i can pre-order it like i did with infinity on high...cheaaa....i'm gonna do that.


uber-wizard.

that's how i'm endin this.

on uber-wizard status.

uber-wizard lives in all of us.

observation.

every human individual is an endangered species, the trick is getting someone else to care about it.

casi, casi.

one, i love that movie. two, this post has nothing to do with that movie.

so uh, yea...Almost Famous is getting closer and closer to completion...I've got a few more solo tracks to write, and some collab tracks that are waiting to be completed by the other artists on them. i just did a track over the Black Republican instrumental called Black Anarchist and it's gonna have this cat named Willie Blak on it and it's gonna be hot. lol, i love the intro more than the my actual verse. you'll know what i'm talkin about when you hear it.

lol, i'm not even finished with this tape and i'm already making plans for my next one. it's gonna be called "The Conspiracy Theories EP" and i'm hoping that mi primo will be interested in drawing the cover for me (HINT HINT!!! text me when/if you read this. it's like 3 a.m. now so i'm guessing ur asleep. idk). it's not gonna be all super political/conspiratory, but it's gonna have that overlying tone about it. should be pretty cool.


i'm debating on whether or not i should do somethin over a looped Love Lockdown beat. i'd probably be singing low and off-key purposely and gettin emo all over it, just to take a stylistic detour from my normal lyrical expeditions. (whoa, i like that last sentence). idk, maybe i'll get inspired. man, i wisht this kid Teck would make me a beat. i wanna sample Gary Jules's Mad World and WRECK IT. oh well...

alright well, i'm tired. i've got more tracks to record tomorrow, hopefully. gonna hit the sack in a minute.


Outty 5000.....and 1.

i'm so.

i love how the way i act or the music i play strikes people as odd. it never fails to appall me that people can be so narrow-minded. i'm not saying ti'm the most open-minded guy out there, but i'm certainly not like these people. it's kind of sad. the school i go to is full of gucci mane-loving, lil wayne dick-riding, hip-hop/r&b stereotypical niggers. it's crazy how they're so quick to rule out anything different. fall out boy? "gay...", linkin park? "emo..."(wtf), sowelu? "nigga don't nobody listen to no gotdamn japanese music...'fuck outta here..."....i could go on for days, that's pretty much the whole gist of it. the same thing goes for anything in any other genre that strays outside of the ever-narrowing constraints of the status quo. but you now what? all of that is totally Pork and Beans to me...i.e. "i don't give a hoot about what you think" y'dig?



Weezer rules

Outty. 5k.

disgruntled.

i hate those rare days when i walk into the house from school to see my cousin there. it's not the fact that she's here, it's that when she's here she eats continuously and it's usually just the stuff i like. it's like having a stray dog in your territory, doesn't work. always wantin to use my pc and my mom's stuff. lol, i don't use her stuff or eat her food when i go over there. i don't lay all over her mom's bed either. wow, prime example, i just went downstairs and what do i see? that greedy goblin pullin my cookies out the fridge. noooo dammit. put 'em back....shit....lol, it irks me how she just comes in like she lives here, like my territory's being invaded. and she complains cuz her mom's a health nut and they don't have cookies there. b***h so?! lol, i love her to death though. that's family. she just need to stay out my kitchen. and stop answering the phone like she lives here. lol, i don't like it.

so i just got off the phone with aunt shorty.

and she says that my voice sounds like my cousin chris's. kinda weird cuz chris sounds like a hispanic michael jackson (completely devoid of any pedophilic intentions, of course), and i don't. just sayin.

Lames Make Me Sick!!!!!

yea this is the debut solo mixtape from my homie Dutch (www.myspace.com/gbdutch). this shit right here? this shit right here nigga? this shit is FLAMERZ (so much that i had to break out the 'z').

listennnn!!!! and check out that #2 track...that KvnTheTruth kid went in....wonder why he ain't signed yet

wtf mtv?

totally gypped lupe on that performance.

re-entry.

So, it's been about 16 hours since my last angry, spur-of-the-moment entry, and i must say that i feel LOADS better. this post has got to be proof that music has healing properties. i just kinda laid there with my head by my speakers, letting the music pound my turbulent thoughts into submission as lauryn hill, patrick stump, andrea bocelli, donnie mcclurkin, and various other artists did their share of damage to my eardrums.

i think i'm gonna head to the movies tomorrow. Bangkok Dangerous and Tropic Thunder both look promising. i think i'm gonna walk too. it's only five miles, and i like singing out loud along the way. it's peaceful. maybe i'll stop by starbucks too, haven't been in a while. hm, on second thought, maybe i'll go today. i'll have to check the weather first. last time i walked i damn near died of heat stroke. it was for Pineapple Express though, definitely worth it. let's see... it is 11:31. im gonna eat cereal. cheerios. wizard.

Boats -N- Hoes!

out.

fuck it. i'm done. shuttin it down, etc...how about some good shit? i just got a new hat. that's what matters. my new hat. nothing else. i fucking love this hat. FUCK. fuck the teen angst shit. gets me FUCKING NOWHERE. i can mope and hope readers'll empathize, or i can just assess the situation, take reality for what it is, adapt, and move. the. fuck. on. lol, i'm kind of heated, mentally, if you can't tell. too many thoughts and ideas and feelings and shit flying around and crashing and confusing the shit out of me and what i want. i think i'm starting to lose my grip on things. not just that one facet i've spent time on recently. other parts too. shit's just falling apart. the mask almost came off today. that never happens. i see how okonwo felt before he...y'know. don't worry, i'm never doing that. what i am going to do is blast my music until i'm temporarily deaf. it's a coping mechanism. never fails.



hope i don't OD on tylenol...my head is POUNDING.


really, i love this hat.

duele.

i had a dream that i went to school, said all of the right things to Her (dreamed of her, not ----, uh-oh), and it all worked out nicely. i was happy. like, ridiculously happy. content. then i woke up. it was odd because i didn't realize that what i'd mistaken for real happiness was nothing but a falsified projection cast upon me by my mind during R.E.M. sleep. it was odd, i assessed the situation, realized that i was nowhere near as happy as i was when i was asleep, and kinda sank into the couch/depression. it's like asleep, i had everything; awake, nothing. i feel like i lost something, but in reality i'm lamenting over a false memory. geez, i'm sad (two meanings to that one). i've gotta focus on some stuff that's going positive right now, i'm gettin all emo. really though, this facet of my life SUCKS.




Lost One.

awready!

i'm out of mr. garner's trig class!!! *happy dance* that class was riDONKulously(lol, Entourage) difficult, especially for a mathtard like me. i'm so bad at it that if a kid were only to have me in that one class, they'd be convinced i was retarded. that's crazy, considering the fact that i'm me and 'me' is not, nor will ever be, synonymous with 'retarded'.

but uh, yea. NO MORE MR. GARNER!!!

i got someone named mr. lee for alg. III. never heard of him before, i'm just hoping there are more seniors in his class. a class full of juniors is 5-ing annoying.


lol, i watched that fossil's (mccain's) acceptance speech. bored me to tears. plus there was some chick crying during the thing while she looked at him like he was her long lost great-great-great grandfather. i wanted to slap her (well, not really...read Hulk Hands). just lost interest in this post.

O = 5g's + 1.

relaxation.

i think it should be illegal to be this comfortable. in the bed under the fan bumping my lauryn hill play list (same one on this page is also on my psp) and my jamie foxx playlist (going up next week, either him or janet jackson). i love that i can get my room so dark that, even with my eyes wide open, i can't see anything. this is like the definition of being lost in music. hm, this is a good time to express my newfound appreciation for mobile blogging. it's better to write comfortably than to get up and go write about how comfortable i just was. i'd also like to point out the fact that i'm totally txting in the dark. assuming i know my phone as well as i think i do, everything should look okay. if there are any mistakes though, you know why, savvy?

ok it's 3:40 and i'm assuming that, like the past 4 thursdays, i have school tomorrow. so i'm gonna end this and let my phone (y body) charge.

O = 5g's + 1

hulk hands.

i do not know my own strength. apparently my grip is stronger than i perceive it to be. yesterday i bruised Her(chea, her) hand in an impromptu tug-o'-war, then today i bruised ----'s arm when we were messing around (not that messing around, gutterbrain) on the way from lunch. now they're slightly bruised and i feel like the hulk did at some point in time where he accidetally smacked betty ross (idk when it happened, but c'mon it's the hulk....i'm sure he must've made a mistake at least once). i think i'm just gonna walk around with my hands in my pockets tomorrow. man, when i messed around and bruised Her hand i had reached out to say sorry and she jerked away in fear and i was like whoa. she was scared i was gonna eff around and hurt her again and that kinda hurt me cuz i was like way to go, jackass internally. let's be clear, i'm not abusive toward women, so if/when i hurt them accidentally it probably disturbs me more than them. hm, i'm still peeved at myself. gonna go music it out a little. i also need to work on my poem. poetry club meeting's on the 9th. finally!




O = 5g's + 1.

myspace.

it's actin all homo, and i can't even post a bulletin about how homo it is cuz it's that homo.

bumfart dude...

migraine.

i'm scary-good at projecting false emotion. i went through today with a migraine that'd make the hulk cry, luckily i had my "Kev-O's A-Okay!" mask on hand and it proved to be as useful as ever.

outside(just your normal, everyday genius):


inside(scrambled):




oh. i am good.
stress stinks, and arrid isn't gonna work on this one.
so happy to be home and mask-less.
façades are tiresome.
Lauryn Hill helps. =)

Outty 5000...and 1.

More headache.

So it's 4a.m. and i'm lying in the bed listening to robin thicke's Complicated repeatedly. Remember my post about depression? Yea well im complaining now. =/

Lost One.

Last Mobile Test.

Well, This isn't really a test, I'm just playing around now. Reveling in the fact that i no longer have to be at the computer anymore to blog. It's so freeing! Lol...
[Casi...]

Mobility.

Totally swaggerjacked the mobile blogging idea. I had no clue that there was blogging!
[Casi...]

no one on the corner had a headache like mine...

alas, after a long, arduous mental battle, i spent all of last night battling my feelings with logic:

logic: she doesn't want to be with me, it WILL NOT HAPPEN
feelings: the heart wants what the heart wants
logic: the heart wants for you to shut the FUCK up
feelings: you can deny all you want, you know what's true
logic: it's not true, i like ----, not her. that's true.
feelings: truth comes in many forms
logic: well i should be able to choose the form i like best, right?
feelings: what you like best and what is best are not always the same thing
logic: wtf...
feelings: the heart wants what the heart wants...

and i kind of went on like that all night. of course, this was all in my head...i tend not to voice my internal conflicts because it seems to convince people that i'm a bit crazy, go figure. so here i am, a heart divided between a dead end and a straightaway. all of the feelings i'd sent to the recycle bin have been restored to their original files and folders, only now they're a little cramped because now there are newer files where the deleted ones used to be. i'm in dire need of a zip folder. my head's gonna explode.

now that we've established that i like Her and ---- at the same time, it brings up an old question: what do i see in Her? my answer? i don't know. don't get me wrong, she's an awesome person: smart, pretty, funny, pretty, smart, pretty, funny, she's a lefty like me, smart, pretty, pretty, etc...but it seems to be something beyond that drawing me to her. it's like in the twilight series where a werewolf would imprint on a certain female when they made eye contact and just be dedicated to her from then on. i feel like the same thing's happened to me, only i'm not lying back and accepting it. i. don't. want. her....anymore.

*sigh*
i don't like this conflicted feeling...it hurts. i don't care if that may seem sappy or whatever. when i hurt, i hurt. no façade.

now you see that, with all of this baggage weighing my head down, no one on the corner could have possibly had a headache like mine...


out.

picnik-ing with dane cook.

i have this insane desire to just lay back, put on some headphones, and sing obnoxiously loud to the fan above. nothing would please me more right now. i can't seem to tear away from the pc though. i keep editing pics and stuff y'know? not like, super photoshop editing, the lazy, picnik.com editing. it reaps good results, but it's something everyone can do. i'm also watching dane cook's vicious circle. dude's insanely funny. white people worship him though, it's crazy. i can say that without being racist because i'm like a quarter white or smth...f-you, i suck at math. lol "we have no idea that you just fucking ninja'd our brain"...lol "MY FATHER'S A BRILLIANT MAN! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!"...ok enough of the transcriptions...dude's hilarious.

ok i went downstairs for an hour, came back up, and realized i hadn't finished this so here's one of my edited pics:


it says [G]enius.[Q]uality. behind me. that's the new GQ, cuz gentlemen's quarterly is played.
get familiar . (clinton sparks just got phrase-jacked)

ok, dane cook is over and i'm hitting the sack...i got business to attend to.

Outty. 5g's.

i will possess your heart.

like, the death cab for cutie way, not the creepy stalker way.

love that song.