damn.

so the first thing i do when i wake up this morning is turn my tv on. i guess i fell asleep on MTV, and they're playing Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough. now it's really hittin me like, damn...it's true. it's really, really true. fuck!... i really didn't even wanna write about it, everybody else is. i would've liked to just stay lite and positive but...this is literally a world event. this shit is just all kinds of fucked up.

on a related note, i don't think that atheist is the correct title for me. atheists believe in no god, and that there is nothing waiting in the afterlife besides nonexistence. despite my godless nature, i find it impossible to accept that this life is the end of things. this article here embodies my thoughts articulately:

"I’ve come face to face with not-existing. It’s scary. Really scary. I’ve never experienced anything scarier. I can call it “fear,” but it’s more than that. Worse than that. Regular fear arises when something bad is happening or could happen.

But primal fear is looking into the maw of nothing happening to you, because there will be no you around for anything to happen to. Do you get the difference? I hope so. I don’t know if I can describe it any more clearly.

This experience has come to me about a dozen times. Mostly while I’m going to sleep. Occasionally in meditation. It isn’t something that I can bring about on my own. It isn’t a thought; it isn’t an emotion; it isn’t a perception. It’s as if a curtain covering non-existence opens for a moment, giving me a peek into a nothingness that is absolute.

Because I’m not there. I mean, I’m obviously there at the moment, looking into the depths of not-existing for eternity. Yet what I feel all the way down to the marrow of my being is what it means to live for a time and then to not live for all the rest of time.

That feeling grabs my attention, for sure. I feel like I’m staring at the Most Real Thing in existence. Which is, paradoxically, non-existence. More accurately, my non-existence."

via: Church of the Churchless

this is a troublesome period the world is in right now, i need to hurry up and get paid. i need some ganja to calm my nerves.

.[gzma]