head case.2

just got back like 2 hours ago from my therapist (lol, my therapist. sounds funny). nice lady, very personable. TERRIBLE office space. i honestly can't see how she stands being in there all day. the pallid yellow, windowless walls, generic-print gym floor carpeting, and comfortably uncomfortable waiting room chairs are all depressing in and amongst themselves. besides that, the session went well. i can tell we're going to have a good rapport in future sessions.

assignment for the week: try not to say anything negative about myself (i think my flippancy about certain things led her to believe that i really beat myself up about stuff, which is true and false. mostly false though).

in other news...

got some recording in today! any music i record between now and next week will most likely be dropped on friday of next week. y'know, to build suspense and whatnot. i'm heading out to fayetteville again tomorrow for one of my pavillion-based shopping excursions. planning on hittin best buy up and bingeing on CDs. still don't have my phone, so if the madre wants to contact me? o. fucking. well. i think i'm gonna catch Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D while i'm out as well, i just wanna see how it looks since the 3D theatres weren't set up when coraline was out. i also wanna hit up michaels for some art supplies. i do so much graphics work that i forget i can actually draw in real life. idk how i am at painting though, we'll have to find out. 'we' being me and the paintbrush. i wanna do some charcoal work too. damn...i'm gonna enjoy myself tomorrow. i take pleasure in knowing that. added bonus: it's going to rain! also awesome.

damn...i want some cookies.

[werd].

fat chicks spinnin.[heavy rotation]

inspiration for the week.

1. *Knock You Down - Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
   
2. Across The Universe - Jim Sturgess
3. *Love vs Money (I & II) - The-Dream
4. *Hollywood - Shwayze
5. *I Wonder - Kanye West
6. Make Love - Keri Hilson
7. Goodlife - T.I. ft. Pharrell & Common
8. Daydreamer - Adele
9. Porn Star - T.I.
10. Welcome To Heartbreak - Kanye West ft. Kid Cudi
11. Strawberry Fields Forever - Jim Sturgess & Joe Anderson

[werd].

25.

off-the-top boredom.

1. i want my damn phone back.
   
2. being suspended is fucking GREAT.
3. i wish my therapist's name was joe. (it's tamika)
4. listening to shwayze is still as dope as ever, but when ur out of weed the cd makes you MAD.
5. damn, i really wanted to go to prom.
6. my headphones betrayed me.
7. i can't skip on 4/20 like i planned to.
8. Mary Jane is a dope-ass song. (the one by Shwayze).
9. i can rap my ass off and i LOVE IT.
10. i've been wearing the same shorts for 2 days now (straight BUMMY)
11. aladdin was a dope ass movie
12. i want my damn phone back.
13. i wanna make space brownies
14. silverchair's straight lines is dope, but i feel awkward listening to it cuz it's about being on the right path and shit.
15. calling girls up from the HOUSE phone? not a good look. at all.
16. i want my damn phone back.
17. why the fuck did i give my phone up like that?
18. i BOUGHT the damn phone.
19. i wish i got kicked out.
20. i think i'm self-centered.
21. i'm self-centered.
22. not in the obnoxious way though.
23. spring break is gonna suck moose balls.
24. lmao...'moose balls'
25. matisyahu is a funny-ass name.

[werd].

matisyahu.

this is Matisyahu, jewish reggae sensation.

i was bumming around Playstation Home earlier today (it's like second life or the sims...one of those online social things but with better graphics.) promoting my music as always, right? right. so i'm sitting in the guitar hero part of it when this jewish-looking guy with a huge beard comes up and sits next to me (which is extremely off-putting, IMO). convo ensues...

Him: sup.

Me: sup matisyahu.

Him: ...fuck you.

Me: hey, what's with the attitude matisyahu?

Him: (looong pause) fuck. you. alex ur probably gay.

Me: hey, not my fault u look like jewish reggae sensation matisyahu.

Him: dude, i'm a rabbi

Me: yea i know, just like Matisyahu

*random chick (probably a guy) walks up, sits down*: lol, ur hairy.

Me: i know right? just like matisyahu. that's what i was saying.

Him: dude. i'm a rabbi, what do you think?

Me: i think ur the great jewish reggae sensation matisyahu.

Her: lmao

Him: fml...*leaves*

Me: awww...and Youth was the shit too.

*then we start talking about music which leads to my music and now she's my newest fan on myspace, the end*

i found it funny.

that is all.

o and it turned out she was actually a chick, but it's the internet. everyone's a dude until proven otherwise.

[werd].

head case.

i'm going to start seeing a therapist. i uh...well, i don't really know how to expand upon it really. i'm just kind of interested to see what kind of person i seem like from a psychological perspective. i'm already anticipating being placed under a few labels: clinical depression, ADD, borderline narcoleptic...hm, i'm kind of optimistic. i wonder if i can get some pills out of it. some ritalin or zoloft or prozac...i wonder if they have those couch/chair things you lay back on while looking up at the ceiling. i remember my mom had me see a counselor after the fire. i also remember it failing for two reasons: uno: i wasn't particularly riddled with guilt after the fire. i mean don't get me wrong, i felt bad, but i was mostly pissed off that i was actually dumb enough to be one of the kids to "burn the house down". i'm not one for rookie mistakes like that. the second reason: the fuckin counselor FELL ASLEEP while i was talking. on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS. seriously, wtf??

in other news...

BYE!!

[werd].

dessert or disaster.

kinda long-ish, this one...just sayin.

my arms are fucking KILLING me. i decided to start lifting weights again. it's not that i'm necessarily trying to build more muscle, i'm exceptionally strong already. it's kind of just a preventative measure against the atrophy that has more-than-likely occurred in the months that have passed since i last looked at a freeweight or a weight bench. but yea...so yesterday i decide to do 10 sets of 10 curls with 20s, which went pretty well, didn't leave me panting or gasping for air. didn't even burn or anything, that is, until i woke up this morning. pain. beyond. fucking. pain. i guess i should've done more to prepare myself...a few weaker sets, some stretches...noooooooo, i just pick up the damn weights and start pumping away. 

EPIC FAILURE. 

i wish i had some epsolm salt. or a time machine...damn.

on another menu...

juniors took the graduation test today, while us seniors got to sit in homeroom for 3 hours doing JACK SHIT. what's even worse is that when i missed the bus this morning i actually walked to school in a hurry. like a jackass. the second half of the day was completely and totally opposite in comparison to the first half for, in my opinion, two reasons: numero uno being that everyone's got pent up energy from being stuck in one class for 3 hours, and number two being that i got my hair cut this past saturday and it's the first time anyone's seen anything besides my characteristically awful hair in over a year. i swear, for 3 hours all i heard is "omg you cut your hair!", and "kev-o!! you chopped it all off!", and "omg i'm so proud of you! you look so mature!", and the oddest: "you cut your hair?! THANK YOU!"...uh...you're welcome? w/e...

ok, done with that...on yet ANOTHER menu (greedy today, aren't we?)

i had that dream again. i mentioned it in a blog last year (i'll link it if i remember to once i'm done here.). it's the dream where i'm like, completely totally happy, only to wake up and realize that i have nothing. it's not that i have nothing, per se. but in comparison to the happiness i dreamed of, the nothingness i woke up to was a icy, crushing nothing. i feel hollow. i miss the happy feeling, it was damn near tangible. seriously... i woke up with a smile on my face. hell i almost twittered about it. but then i looked around and noticed my bed was empty. then i looked around and saw my room, clothes, tv...then i just sighed and kind of said "oh." in my head and left the room. i would've gone back to sleep but i didn't (and still don't) wanna risk waking up like that again. i mean, it's rare that i wake up happy, but to wake up SOOO unhappy is so depressing. i don't like depression anymore. too much of it i guess. i need some good weed.

here's me last week, when i was taking pics for my Strawberry Fields Forever concept (the picture that made the cut is featured on my billboard, twitter, myspaces, profile default, etc...billboard to the right----->>)

and here's me today, i took this about 6 hours ago. makes me look younger. i wonder if i'm gonna get ID'ed now. i don't look 18 to me now.

yea i know, neither of those are the best of pictures, i was just bored today, and the other was a reject anyway so uh...yea.

.[gzma]

ARTgasm.2

according to NerdwithSwag.com, the video was shot in one day, then spent 2 YEARS in post production. as long as that took, i must say that it paid off quite well. the storyline is pretty great too, and i like the lack of dialogue. the whole "actions speak louder than words" vibe works perfect.

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

more information on the video here.

[werd].

love was the egg.

.[gzma]

joint jams.

i'm sure every moderate to heavy smoker's got one of these: a music playlist composed out of songs that just sound GREAT high. i'm still kinda buzzed, so to avoid going off on a wild tangent about nothing in particular, i'll stay focused and just list songs. so uh...yea:

1. Nearly Witches - The Paul Revere Jumpsuit Apparatus
2. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
3. Day N Nite - KiD CuDi
4. Paper Planes - MIA
5. Touch - Omarion
6. Strawberry Fields Forever - Across The Universe Soundtrack
7. Maybe - N.E.R.D.
8. Angel Pumping Gas - Lindsey Pool (band, not person)
9. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
10. My Drive Thru - Santogold, Casablancas, N.E.R.D.
11. Straight Lines - Silverchair
12. Bite Down - Boyz N Da Hood
13. w.a.m.s - Fall Out Boy
14. I Am The Walrus - Bono and Secret Machines
15. Sister Christian - Night Ranger
16. What's It Gonna Be? - Busta Rhymes feat. Jantet Jackson
17. Sooner Or Later - N.E.R.D.
18. Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

good beats, power ballads, extended refrains, hard-ass drug-talkin music......shit's just great. I Am The Walrus was crazy though, cuz i'm layin on my back on my bed with my head near the speaker and i felt like i was literally being tipped forward. like, the whole subdivision was just tipping. shit was wild.

[werd].

love/hate.

i watched Hot Rod earlier this afternoon. had me dyin laughing.

it's kinda fucked up. i'm stoned over this chick, but i don't want her to feel like she's lowering her standards by being with me. now, that's fucked up on ends. from my end, it's like seriously, how low can my self-esteem get? i shouldn't even be debating it right? but i am, so whatever. on her end now, it's like this: if she really digs me like she lets on, does what i look like matter? i don't know if it does, but it shouldn't. i know the fact that she's beautiful is completely superfluous. in case you were wondering, i've got this blacked out because i find myself to be a bit on the dismal side at times, and i'm honestly a bit sick of it. so, if you're reading this congrats.

Love me in there.

but

Hate me out here.

Zack & Miri Make a Porno was funny as hell.

[werd].

vlogger.

only 14 minutes long (the unedited version of this is about 30 minutes long)...it's kinda suckish, but it's me, so it's not really...i was just too lazy to re-record anything. and editing was so rushed....w/e...the Casi Famoso show'll have better production values. also, don't take the slightly slurred speech and nasal-ness as canon. still fighting that damn cold...

WORDS UP HERE

WORDS DOWN HERE

[werd].

idc.

in my first or second blog post i took shots at PETA and GLAAD, two organizations i disliked to the nth degree, but recently my opinions have changed. well...my opinions about gay people have changed, i should say. i still hate GLAAD as an organization and i will still only acknowledge PETA as People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. what's changed is that i'm not actively against gay/lesbian marriage and all that. it's not that i support it either, i just don't care one way or the other. i realized it's not my fight and that either outcome in the long run has no tangible effect on me.

also, to be clear on my views about couples and their relations, here's a key:

• Guy + Girl = cool.
• Girl + Girl = awesome.
• Guy + Guy = ewwwwww, but w/e....if you're into that sort of thing i guess.
• Guy/Girl + Animal = weird.

i think that about settles it.

for me, at least.

[werd].

wowsers.

wow...me @ 14. just found this on an old photobucket account i had no idea i had. lol, i remember taking this as my first myspace picture (is that...is that supposed to be a lasting memory? damn this internet generation....) and trying to look like malcolm x cuz i'd just read the autobiography and was just blown away by it.

storytellers.kanye

fuck what you heard, that shit last night was dope. here are my two favorite performances: Amazing and Heartless/Pinocchio Story. the ad-libs at the end of heartless had me laughin, and thinkin.

Amazing

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Heartless/Pinocchio Story

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

here's the link to the performance audio from the show: click here!
link courtesy of 2dopeboyz

[werd].

nerd status.

i'm a serious How It's Made addict. i can't not watch it.

snot.

whatever happened to Boy Meets World? i remember watching it on TGIF on ABC, then catching reruns at like midnight on Disney Channel, but nowadays i can't find it anywhere and i just realized how much i miss it. it'd be dope if it ended up coming to nick @ nite, i can totally see it coming there. it's old enough, plus it has enough episodes to last a log-ass time. i mean, that's what they're doing with family matters, i think i should start a petition...unless they're alreadt doing that. idk. just hoping.

in other news...

i'm sick. yesterday i thought it was allergies, cuz all i did was sneeze excessively, but today i blow my nose and: wtf. pea-soup grossness. i'm pissed, i thought i was over all this sickness for the time being. sucks even more cuz it's snowing and i would've loved to go out and enjoy it. hopefully it sticks throughout the night and school gets cancelled. i'd enjoy that sooo much.

gonna go watch Wall-E and eat gummy worms.
i'm CHILLIN.

[werd].