jealousy...wait, really?

i'm not a jealous person by nature. i found it to be a petty emotion unfit to continue its inhabitance in my consciousness pretty early on. unfortunately, when some things occur, i simply cannot help it. the new thing setting me off nowadays seems to be relationships. it seems as if people all around me are pairing up and my lack of an opposite is driving me, for lack of a better word, BONKERS (colored orange after the tv show, go figure). and i hate that i feel that way. i can't stand how i can't stand it (i keep saying that and it keeps being true). it's so unlike me. example: i ask this girl out that but, albeit she's BEAUTIFUL (geez, what a nauseatingly gross understatement), i honestly don't know her all too well (i still liked her though). so, she says she's already going out with someone and i find out that that someone happens to be a friend of mine. well, since i was kind of asking on a ballsy whim in the first place, and he actually knows her (plus i knew he'd been on kind of losing streak earlier that year), i should be like "ok cool, glad that worked out for them," right? cuz that IS a good thing (really, i'm most sure). i'm glad when people work out. free love in the streets and all, right? go for it. but of course, that's not what i'm thinking half of the time. half of the time i'm in my head kicking myself repeatedly while feeling bitter about other people being more content than i am.

idk about you, but that's petty.
i don't like pettiness.
i don't like petty emotions.
fuck, i'm outty.
bout to go bump 808s and watch more DLM episodes.

adi os

after-thought:
i hope kristin's feeling better today.
i hate that she's not feeling well.
i also hate that i'm in (NO! DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!!) with her (god that sounds so corny).
cuz it's not mutual.
and that's headache.
but still, hope she gets well soon.
after-after thought: fuck it.